are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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