Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Randomize
