i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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