I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
