The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
