i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
