do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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