Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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