My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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