But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
