I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
