Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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