She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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