Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
