i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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