I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize