Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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