Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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