oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
