Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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