Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
