Umm I'm too high to move.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
