They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
