My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
