My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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