Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize