The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
someone owes me an orgasm
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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