hell yes lets make some ravioli
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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