your parents love me but you hate me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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