whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
