Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
