I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
