she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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