Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
