God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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