I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
