just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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