Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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