the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
