If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
