Just fell off a train. Bad.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was born a porn star she said
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
