We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
