well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
