he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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