theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
