stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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