Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
