god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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