We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
