Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
