I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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