she was so not down for the gang bang
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
