I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize