how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
