do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
