I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
