My friends, they love my intelligence
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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