u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need moral support for this bender
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
