put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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