My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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