Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
