Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
