My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
