what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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