I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
