I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
