I wanna passion pit in your ass
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
