When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize