You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
