Where did you get a picture of my penis
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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